


Sentimentalism

by NanakiBH



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Confessions, Drinking, M/M, Post-Canon, Requited Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 17:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6433618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something kept pulling them back to each other. Someday, they were going to take responsibility for that "something".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sentimentalism

**Author's Note:**

> I also wrote this one a while ago and just hadn't posted it until now. So here you go.
> 
> I can't remember what inspired this one, but it might be my favorite of my Jade/Dist stories.

This wasn't his kind of scene. Not his kind of scene at all.

There were too many people, some familiar, most unfamiliar; he couldn't turn around without running into someone – worse if it was someone who actually recognized him – heaven forbid. The whole night, he seemed to be getting a combination of looks ranging from curiosity to pity to outright disdain and disgust. It wasn't like Saphir didn't understand where the vitriol was coming from, but if these people were supposed to be guests of His Majesty, the _great_ Emperor Peony, he thought they would have at least checked their attitudes at the door.

But of course not. What were politicians and royalty without their attitude? He shouldn't have expected so much from friends of _that_ insufferable man.

There was no one he particularly wanted to talk to, no elbows he wanted to rub, so he mostly kept to himself and idly sipped a single glass of wine to make it look like he was a part of the party and not just an odd fixture floating around in the midst of it. It was Peony's fault that he was there at all. If Saphir had it his way, he would've preferred to continue working. It was bad enough that he was getting nothing done by being there, but he had to spend the night watching that flighty bastard laughing it up with Nephry.

It was hard to believe they were really a thing again...

It was hard to believe that they had been a thing to _start with._ Nephry could be a lot like her brother, so it felt strange to see her laughing and smiling along with Peony. It made him wonder if Jade was capable of laughing like that...

“My, you look so deep in thought.”

Thoroughly startled by the voice that come from just over his shoulder, Saphir jumped, nearly spilling his drink on the couple who were passing in front of him. The pair immediately turned to glare, but, seeing who was standing beside him, they quickly tried to act polite and hurried themselves along.

“Jade!” he spat, turning on his heel to face him. “You know better than to surprise me like that!”

“It's so amusing, though,” Jade laughed. Now that Saphir had a good look at him, he noticed that his face was a little red. He was smiling, but it wasn't the same kind of smile he saw on Nephry. At least... He didn't think it was the same. It looked a little too mischievous.

Saphir glanced at the half-empty glass in Jade's hand. “That's, what? Your third?”

“You were counting?” Jade asked. He didn't sound surprised.

“I was guessing.” That was a lie. He _had_ been counting. While he was so desperate to get away from all of the other people at this 'party', he ended up following Jade around the room with his eyes and saw him steal a glass off the wandering waiter's tray no less than three times. They were very full glasses. It was starting to show on his face.

Jade straightened up and took another sip. “Now, now. Don't start judging me. This night hasn't been an easy proceeding.”

“You mean your sister's engagement?”

That was what it was all for, after all. Rather, the occasion was celebrating the Emperor's announcement that he had chosen a bride. The news hadn't been surprising, so Saphir wondered what it was that had Jade drinking the evening away. He wasn't normally the drinking type – not to such an extent.

Behind tightly closed lips, Jade gave a restrained chuckle. “Hm. Well, I can't say I'm very thrilled with the idea of Peony of all people being with my sister, but... Well.” He pushed up his glasses and stared out at the people between them and the place where Peony and Nephry were standing together. “I don't think there's any reason for me to hide the truth here. I think it's fine. I'm glad for them. Those two have always loved each other, so it's nice to see them together again without the Score getting in between them. Nephry will live a comfortable life, and now I, by extension, will also be a part of the Malkuth royal family. You see? It isn't so bad!”

He really wasn't kidding. He was ecstatic. Annoyingly ecstatic. “Don't tell me you planned out this whole thing from the start. That night back in Keterburg when you used me to distract the guards who were watching Peony...”

“I'm honored that you think I'm such a genius mastermind, but I didn't plan it like this,” Jade said, grinning with amusement.

But then that didn't explain why he was on his third glass. The wine was good, but it wasn't _that_ good. “You're sure you're fine with this?” Saphir asked, feeling skeptical.

“Hm? Yes. I don't have any objections,” he said. Before Saphir could say anything in return, Jade continued, gesturing the hand that held the glass at the crowd. “How have you been holding up out here? Lonely?”

“ _Lonely?_ ” he grumbled, staring at Jade's face over the rim of his glasses. “Who'd be lonely? I just don't like seeing that dimwit Peony looking all happy. All those people surrounding him would probably get on their knees and kiss the ground he walks on, or at least act like they love him out of devotion to the throne, but here I am receiving the worst of it. Do you have any idea how many people have asked me if I'm _the_ criminal from the Order of Lorelei's Six God-Generals? Not 'doctor'. Nope, not a single time. It's humiliating! Where's my respect?!”

“Really? They don't recognize you as my associate now? You haven't tried mentioning my name?”

“Wh-why would I?” Saphir stammered. There was no way he could even try to keep the heat out of his face.

Following his release from prison, he was taken into Malkuth's custody and was ordered to work alongside Jade. They'd already been working on their fomicry research together for a little less than a year. A number of restrictions had been lifted from him along the way, so now he was even allowed to leave the military base as long as he stayed within the city. Things were looking up, but people still recognized him as the God-General, Dist.

The restrictions that remained kept him under Jade's constant supervision. He could barely move an inch without Jade's permission, but... It wasn't as bad as it sounded. In fact, it was great, always having Jade there. He may have hated Peony for everything else, but it was his orders that kept Jade tied to him, so, although Saphir would rather die than admit it to Peony's face, there was something he had him to thank for.

Shaking off his awkwardness, Saphir rubbed at his nose and looked aside. “Well. It's not that surprising. The people here haven't seen us together, so they'd probably have no idea we have anything to do with each other unless you tell them.”

“Why me? You can't tell them?” Jade asked, taking another sip, staring at him curiously over his glass.

“That's strange for you. Are you suddenly ready to admit my importance?” Jade already had, in a way. Just knowing that he viewed him as valuable to their research felt like enough confirmation. “You don't mind being associated with me?”

Slowly, Jade lowered his wine glass, and it was his turn to look away. Saphir expected him to say something, to retort in his usual fashion, but he went back to staring at Peony and Nephry instead. There was still too much clarity in his eyes, so Saphir knew that he wasn't quite drunk, but those three glasses had removed his stiffness. He was showing more emotion. It was a little unsettling, actually, to see Jade being anything other than sarcastic.

But this also probably meant that it was his opportunity to find out what was really bothering him.

“You've been standing here with me an awfully long time, you know, Jade. If you keep standing here, people might realize we're _friends_.”

Again, rather than respond, Jade hummed and kept staring.

Saphir sputtered nervously. “Y-y-you're not c-calling me your friend, are you?” He sucked in a breath, fearing that Jade might have something else to say about the matter. “I- I mean... Yes! Aha! Yes, right, of course! Of course we're friends! Right? Ahahaa!”

“It was something Nephry said to me.”

Saphir blinked. “Huh?”

“She wanted to know when I would be getting married.”

It was a good thing he hadn't been drinking anything, Saphir decided, otherwise something bad would've happened. That was just too surprising. “That's odd. It's not like you're seeing anyone. And you're busy with work right now and our research, s-so it's not like there's time for a family... I understand if she wants a little niece or nephew one day, but I hardly think that now would be the time.” Realizing that he was starting to sound too defensive, he added, “Besides, who would want a miserable, grumpy old man like you?”

Until that moment, Saphir hadn't realized how furious he would be if Jade ever became engaged. He would have to kill whoever appeared to take his place...

“I don't know, she and I were probably thinking of the same person.”

“Wh- ...Wait, what?” There _was_ someone? Jade already had someone who he was interested in? Did that mean he was going to have to start plotting murder already? Right after he was released from prison too... He didn't want that! “Who?! You can't! That'll... That's...!”

What else was there to say? Any more and he was going to have to admit how he really felt.

Jade glared at him. “Be quiet. People are staring.” They were indeed. Pretending to ignore him for a moment, Jade finished his drink and put the empty glass back on the tray of the waiter who just passed them by. “Trust me, I'm not thrilled by the idea of this either. It's enough to make me drink.”

“But... There's someone...?” He was going to lose his mind for sure this time.

Waving a hand, Jade tried to dismiss the conversation. “It's fine. It's nothing you need to worry about. I'm not getting married, and even if I did, it wouldn't affect our work.”

That didn't sound reassuring to Saphir, though. “Is it someone I know?” He wasn't going to let him get away until he found out.

“I said you don't have to worry. It's not someone I would even be proud to marry.”

An acquaintance, he figured. Perhaps an old match introduced to him by the Curtiss family. Though, in that case, it would've been odd for him to disapprove of marrying whoever it was. The Curtiss family had a strong position in society; they wouldn't have recommended anyone beneath him. “Someone who's lower class...?” he wondered aloud.

“You could say that. Low class. Very low class.”

Saphir grinned. “In that case, they aren't even worth your time! Don't bother! I'd be disappointed if my best friend Jade settled for some dirty, uneducated whelp. Aim higher! You need someone who can match your intelligence.”

“I don't know how I feel about you presuming to know what's best for me.” Jade slowly rubbed circles into his temples. “I'm afraid I've given myself a headache. What was I thinking...? Three drinks at a time like this? How completely unlike me.”

Jade wasn't looking too hot anymore. That half a glass must have finished him off.

“Do you think you'll feel better if you step out for a moment?” Saphir asked.

He looked up, back toward Peony. “I shouldn't leave-”

“I'll come with you,” Saphir suggested, grabbing his arm. Giving him a light tug, he told him to come, and Jade surprisingly didn't give him any resistance, following wordlessly as he led him back out through the people gathered in the main hall. Before leaving, he let the guards at the door know what they were doing, just in case. He knew how easily things could be misinterpreted. In case they didn't return, he didn't need anyone thinking that he got Jade drunk so he could ditch him and flee the country.

It was a relief to get away from all the people. As soon as they reached the end of the main hall, their surroundings were noticeably quieter, the sound of the gathering behind them muted behind thick doors. At his side, Jade didn't appear to need his assistance anymore, but he wasn't doing anything to push him off either. It was probably just the state he was in, Saphir figured, but he enjoyed thinking that Jade was simply letting him stay close for other reasons.

That part of him that wanted to jealously hoard Jade all to himself was back with a vengeance. He'd never realized how childish it probably made him seem. Peony had told him that he needed to grow up, and maybe he had if he could tell how foolish he used to be. But... There wasn't any way he could help it. That was the way he wanted to be.

He wanted to tighten his hold on him and run away – far away from the possibility of rejection.

“This should be far enough,” he said once they were outside, though he was reluctant to let go of Jade.

Jade stared at the hand holding his arm, his mouth straight, his eyes looking somewhat unfocused. It was too hard to tell what he was thinking about, but he still hadn't made a move. It was unnerving.

Nervous and now intimidated, Saphir let go of him and backed up a step or two, trying to give him some space. That was why they were outside. They were supposed to be getting some fresh air, but the atmosphere he'd unintentionally placed between them made him feel like he was suffocating instead.

What was he getting so worked up about? ...It wasn't like he told Jade how he felt or anything. There was nothing to worry about.

Nothing at all...

“Saphir.”

He jumped. “ _Y-yes?_ ”

Jade's stare softened and he gave a light, amused snort at his reaction. “You don't have to stay out here with me. Go back inside.”

“I can't just leave you out here,” Saphir replied. Walking a little farther, he found a nice spot over one of the short bridges that crossed over the water that surrounded the capital building. The sun had gone some time ago without anyone noticing, but it was still hiding there somewhere, hidden behind the moon that shined brightly in the water's reflection. If he didn't let himself think too heavily about where he was, Saphir felt like he could appreciate how beautiful it was.

With slow steps that looked heavy, burdened with thought, Jade came over and stood opposite him. Leaning against his side of the bridge, he tipped his head back, raising his eyes to the sky.

"Five years from now, what do you see yourself doing?" he asked.

The question felt so sudden that it made Saphir pause. It sounded like a serious question and Jade looked fittingly serious when he asked it. It was that sort of look that always left him feeling wary and unsure of what Jade was expecting out of him. He never knew how to respond and he never knew if his answers satisfied him.

Still, curious, he was going to try.

"In five years?” he said. Putting his back to the water, he faced Jade. “Hm, well... That's a long time, isn't it? I enjoy what I've been doing so far, working with you in the lab. We might reach fomicry's limits eventually, but there's still a lot for us to discover and figure out, so..."

"And in ten years?"

Persistent.

"T-ten? Uh... Still researching, I suppose. It's not just a hobby you know. It's my livelihood."

"Alright. Then, in twenty?"

Didn't he know when to quit? There was only one way he could answer. Jade had to realize. He had to...

No... Jade didn't 'have to' anything. For as long as Saphir could remember, he'd always been like that; acting out human emotion from beneath a mask meant to hide his real self. He didn't know whether to call that side 'unfeeling', but it was what separated Jade from the other kids back then and it was what kept him from understanding the basic things that could be even noticed by the people who lacked his genius.

"Twenty years? We'll really be old men by that point! I don't want to think about my sixties..."

At some point, something had started to change.

"You would stick to me for that long?"

"I don't know if that's up to me,” Saphir said. “Until further notice, you're my 'caretaker', aren't you? Unless I want to get thrown back in prison, I don't have any other choice; I have to stick to you."

The scales fell from his eyes. He changed too.

"I doubt that order will last forever. Do you really want things to remain the same?"

It wasn't the same. Not anymore. It couldn't be.

"It's better than watching you leave again." Being closed up in that loud room for so long and being surrounded by a bunch of strangers must have done something to his head. Or maybe it was just their train of conversation at the moment and he was going with the flow. Either way, he felt sure – and that was a rare thing. It wasn't often that he felt sure with true and real confidence. He was sure that things wouldn't be the same because his current self was able to say something like that outside of an accident or spontaneity or coincidence. “You can't get rid of me, Jade.”

And Jade, he looked...

Shocked. And vulnerable.

It would have felt disappointing to see him looking that way if only it didn't fill Saphir with an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. That stoic, emotionless boy had been the person he admired, but now his eyes were looking at him with something in them; a real feeling.

“Saphir...”

“Why are you giving me that look? This is fine, isn't it?” He had to turn around, directing his eyes to the moon. If he kept looking at that face, he thought his heart would burst. “Can't be helped! I may be this country's prisoner, but I'm your ball and chain. Like it or not, I'm going to keep dragging along behind you.”

Too quickly for Saphir to notice, two arms wrapped around his waist from behind and he was lifted, leaving his feet dangling a couple inches above the ground. He flailed momentarily in indignation before the realization that Jade was _holding him_ sunk in and made him instantly cease his struggle. As his feet were settled back down on the ground, Jade leaned his chest heavily against his back and spoke quietly, his chin resting on his shoulder.

“You aren't that heavy.”

His voice, so close, and the feeling of his breath lightly brushing past his ear made Saphir's skin tingle. “Wh-what are you say?! W... Was that some sort of compliment...?” He needed to do something to calm the startled pounding of his heart, otherwise he thought he might not be able to hear Jade over the sound of his own pulse. “What's gotten into you?”

“Three glasses of wine,” Jade muttered, rubbing his face between Saphir's shoulder and neck. He sounded kind of miserable. He probably didn't even realize he was still holding him. In his current state, he would probably fall on the ground if he decided to let go.

Turning around in his loosening grasp, Saphir placed his hands on Jade's shoulders. “You're the depressed type of drunk, aren't you? Somehow, I'm not surprised. You're always so serious.” He sniffed. “Whatever. After the things you've put me through, it serves you right. I think this is what's referred to as 'karma'. You're just getting what you deserve – by your own hand, no less!”

He just wanted to tease him and chastise him a little, but it didn't come out sounding as innocent as he intended. Those comments looked like they gave Jade significant whiplash. What came out of his mouth was dressed as a joke, but it was nothing but the truth.

After staring for a hard second, Jade brought his arms back around him, holding him even more tightly in a way that felt impossible to escape, yet secure. Standing at that distance with just the barest distance between them, Saphir thought he could finally read his thoughts, right there, expressed in the clear and piercing depths of his red eyes.

He was captured; frozen and captivated.

Jade wasn't going to leave. That was what it said in his eyes. It was what his arms and his lips said, even though they didn't move to form the words. They didn't have to. Just the confident, slightly desperate press of them was enough to convey that feeling.

“You're probably right,” Jade said, pulling away. “But I don't deserve-”

“S-stop! Don't! Stop right there, Jade! Don't finish that thought!” Saphir blurted, putting his hands over Jade's mouth to make him stop.

He didn't want to hear him say it.

Hearing him say that would have been an insult to all the times he endured for the person he thought he didn't deserve.

Though... “Wait, Jade, does that mean...”

Jade might have been drunk, but a kiss was a kiss. Even drunk, Saphir couldn't imagine him doing that spontaneously. It was hard to imagine that stoic Jade kissing anyone without considerable thought spent beforehand. With the encouragement of a little wine, perhaps...

Letting go of him, Jade leaned himself against the side of the bridge with a sigh that sounded exaggerated. “For a genius, you're awfully dense, Saphir. Yes, that person Nephry and I were talking about who's a classless mess, who's embarrassing and pathetic, who's irritating... who's always been stupid enough to sacrifice themself needlessly for someone who never acknowledged them...”

All of those insults came out sounding like loving endearments.

“W-wow. So the thought of marrying me stressed you out _that_ badly, did it?” Saphir asked jokingly. His face must have looked _so_ red, though...

Honestly, though, the thought of marrying Jade _was_ pretty distressing, though probably not for the same reasons Jade felt. For Jade, who had taken so long just to notice him, the idea of marrying – let alone liking – the person he'd always been unconsciously pushing away must have been a lot to chew. He wasn't taking it easily, but he wasn't backing away from it, either. That was the real Jade.

Putting a hand to his forehead, Jade looked away. “Oh dear, I can feel my headache returning,” he said, feigning great suffering.

Saphir laughed. “That's my Jade!” he said, linking an arm with one of Jade's. “How bad is it? When we go back in, do you think you'll need me to help you stand? Oh, what will everyone think, I wonder...”

Grumbling, Jade lightly shoved at him, but it wasn't enough to get him off; just a little push to keep up appearances. “I don't think I should go back like this. I should probably just go home and get some rest. I'll embarrass myself like this.”

“Jade, aren't you forgetting something? I can't go anywhere without you. I don't make the rules. It would be irresponsible of me to leave you anyway, so I suppose this means I have no choice but to go home with you.”

There was no way to get rid of him. Surely, Jade had realized that.

“Fine,” Jade conceded, letting out a real, weary sigh. “Only because I can't afford to let anything happen to you either.”

No matter how he meant it, Saphir took it to heart. He took that little piece of affection and tucked it away safely in the left side of his chest.

Whether or not a ring ever found its way around his finger, Saphir, finally, for the first time since they were young, felt absolutely certain that it was right of him to place his trust in the invisible thing that wrapped around them and kept them connected wherever they were, whether far part or right by each other's sides.


End file.
